"TED"
Story by Seth MacFarlane
Screenplay Written by Seth MacFarlane & Alec Sulkin & Wellesley Wild
Directed by Seth MacFarlane
**1/2 (two and a half stars)
When "Ted," the debut feature film from animated television creator/satirist Seth MacFarlane was released in theaters during the summer months, I really sat on the fence of whether this would be something worth my time to see or not. The reviews were pretty good. The word of mouth was solid. MacFarlane's strong reputation for creating, producing and providing many voices for his specialized brand of risky and raunchy comedy gold through his series "Family Guy," "American Dad!" and "The Cleveland Show" (of which I have admittedly never seen even one episode) precedes him greatly. But still...I just could not fully make that leap to spend my precious time and my hard earned movie theater dollars on something I feared would essentially be a one joke movie. Now, that I have finally viewed "Ted" in the warmth of my own home (and for considerably less movie viewing money), I can say that my impressions of "Ted" existing as a one joke movie were fully confirmed. Thankfully, that one joke--the antics of a foul mouthed teddy bear come to vibrant life through a child's magic wish--proved to be a very funny joke with which MacFarlane did obtain considerable comedic mileage, especially through the aid of a game cast and magnificent special effects. Even so, the film overall was an uneven one due to taking one more unnecessary trip around the "bromance"/"arrested development" track and an over-reliance upon cheap, easy and unimaginative flatulent humor. For a concept as unique as the one Seth MacFarlane devised, I had wished that the film on the whole was equally unique.
The plot of "Ted" is appropriately simple. In 1985, John Bennett, a lonely, friendless young boy who receives a plush teddy bear who says "I love you" when squeezed gently. John then begins to build a relationship with his treasured toy and one evening as he drifts off to sleep, he makes a wish upon a falling star that his bear could be a real friend for the rest of his life. The next morning, John discovers that his wish has been granted as his bear, named "Ted," has become a living, breathing, fully animated creature who indeed becomes John's very best friend.
Ted soon becomes a celebrity, even making an appearance upon "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson." But children age and fame is fleeting. By the time John becomes an adult (now played by Mark Wahlberg), he is employed at a car rental agency, in the full and blissful throes of a romantic relationship with longtime girlfriend Lori Collins (Mila Kunis) and his friendship with the now unemployed and celebrity has-been Ted (voiced and acted through motion capture technology by Seth MacFarlane) remains the cornerstone of his life--albeit one that exists through copious amounts of weed, booze and all manner of irresponsible behavior and an overly adolescent outlook. As John and Lori's relationship reaches their four year anniversary and with no sight of romantic progress in sight, John is forced to make a crucial choice: to grow up and make a full commitment to Lori or remain forever in a child-like world with his best friend Ted.
As I have previously stated, Seth MacFarlane's "Ted" is indeed a one joke movie, where everything really hinges upon the outrageous acts and words that arrive from this cute teddy bear. MacFarlane does not skimp a bit on the joyous vulgarity as Ted curses up a storm, habitually get high and drunk, is completely lust driven and even scores with human females. If you have not gathered by now, "Ted" is completely not a movie for small children regardless of how cute this teddy bear happens to be. In fact, the film, with places the friendship between Ted and John front and center, feels like a smut driven version of Pixar's "Toy Story" series merged with a bit of an R rated "Calvin and Hobbes" thrown in for good measure.
Not long ago, I was having a discussion with friend about the merits, or considerable lack thereof, within the...gulp..."Twilight" film series. I expressed that good actors go a long way and when filmmakers have the good fortune to have good actors in their movies, those actors can make even the most ridiculous stories sing, allowing audiences to completely buy the fantasy (unlike my reaction to those "Twilight" movies, but I digress). With regards to "Ted," it is completely commendable that MacFarlane has cast his film, from top to bottom, with strong actors who are more than willing to fully commit and appear absolutely ridiculous, thus making the audience completely buy this fantasy of a swearing, drinking teddy bear's lifelong friendship with a human. Mark Wahlberg is just terrific as John Bennett and just like Bob Hoskins' outstanding performance in Robert Zemeckis' "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" (1988), Wahlberg is so convincing in his scenes with Ted that it seems as if he has been speaking with talking teddy bears for his entire life. The friendship he creates on screen feels completely believable, often hysterical and even touching therefore making his character's quandary with Lori fraught with realistic comedic and romantic tension.
Beyond that, the special effects of "Ted" are truly sensational as this film provides an opportunity to utilize CGI technology in a most convincing and photo-realistic fashion. Just the physical details of Ted are deeply impressive, from his eyes, to the way his mouth moves all the way to the look of his fur and stuffing. And MacFarlane continuously finds creative ways to merge Ted into a realistic world so seamlessly (a hysterical fight sequence between Ted and John in a motel room is particularly eye-popping), making "Ted" a visual treat.
So, why did it have to be so predictable???? In my previous reviews of Judd Apatow's "This Is 40," Quentin Tarantino's "Django Unchained" and Tony Gilroy's "The Bourne Legacy," I spoke about how filmmakers really need to have a point of view and artistic voice on display therefore making their films completely unique, otherwise they run the risk of being the same ol' same ol' forgettable nonsense you cannot remember once you leave the theater seats. For me, Apatow and especially Tarantino have unmistakably unique filmmaking voices whereas Gilroy's was sadly anonymous. With "Ted," Seth MacFarlane certainly displays his nasty comedic voice with unabashed glee but despite some of the wild sight gags, I had wished that MacFarlane has showed more storytelling creativity other than running through the same old tired "bromance" story we have seen ad nauseum for years and years now. Of course, he is performing his own twisted version of the "bromance" story and while large portions of it work (I especially LOVED John and Ted's lifelong obsession with the 1980 "Flash Gordon" movie), it was all so "been there, done that" and I feel that MacFarlane is someone who could really think out side of the box to make something truly one-of-a-kind.
That said, there was one unique element that I am not certain really worked all that well and that was the presence of Giovanni Ribisi as a very creepy man who stalks Ted throughout the film in order to capture him and take him to his own son for good. While MacFarlane again spins a riff off of the grim character of the toy abusing Sid from "Toy Story" (1995) and slides it into a bizarro world this side of "The Silence Of The Lambs" (1991), "Ted" then falls into an action climax, the kind of which that unimaginatively concludes most movies these days.
Even worse, was his complete fascination with all things gastrointestinal. Look, dear readers, as I have said to you time and again, I do not offend easily but I do have to say that I really, really, really cannot stand jokes dealing with flatulence and defecation. If a filmmaker is truly inspired, then he/she will be able to make me laugh at nearly anything, including those kinds of jokes. But, unfortunately in "Ted," we are given one poop joke after another after another and none...I mean, absolutely none of them are remotely funny at all. In fact, it kind of grinds the film to a dead halt each time they appear. One involving a surprising and most disgusting sight upon the floor of Lori's apartment, while Ted entertains a collective of hookers was a tremendous low point. And besides, it's just fourth grade humor and frankly, fourth graders could come up with better, more inspired jokes in this realm I am certain. Honestly, Seth MacFarlane has arrived with this strong concept of a talking, very adult oriented teddy bear and also has the filmmaking panache to figure out out to pull this off visually and yet, he could often not come up with anything more creative than a collection of tired fart jokes? Tiresome, to say the least.
But, I guess that my feelings are very much in the minority as "Ted" has become the highest grossing R rated film of all time. Frankly, and yes, it is a matter of personal taste, but I really feel that I have seen much better than this film as far as the vulgar R rated comedy is concerned. Look, I certainly do not think that "Ted' was a bad film by any means. I laughed often and loudly. But that laughter was then interrupted by long periods of silence due to some conceptual wheel spinning and jokes that felt to be too simple based upon the sheer talent behind the scenes. "Ted" is fine. No more, no less. Yet it is nothing I'd see again and when the inevitable "Ted 2" arrives in a few years, I don't think that I'll be sitting upon a fence. I know I'd skip it.
But, you go ahead and have a great time though.
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