A FEATURE LENGTH DIARY ENTRY: a review of "Twilight"

In anticipation of the midnight release of "The Twilight Saga: New Moon," here is my review of the first film, originally written March 23, 2009.

"Twilight" Directed by Catherine Hardwicke
** (two stars)

I will openly admit that I am not the audience for this film. I have never read the book series either so beating up on it would be too easy and more than a little unfair. In knowing that, I can really try to compose an honest review that can criticize without being mean-spirited.

As we all know by now, "Twilight" is the film adaptation of the wildly successful teenage vampire love story series conceived and written by Stephanie Meyer. The story essentially concerns itself with the star crossed romance between average teenage girl Bella and brooding teenage vampire boy Edward and after having seen this movie, I can honestly see the appeal and mass affection that the large teen female audience (and equally large adult female audience) has for this conceit, while also understanding how its successes may also be its trappings.

First of all, it is a wish fulfillment fantasy. How an average, everyday girl, who was unimpressive and possibly ignored in her current surroundings, can have a transformative experience by moving to a new environment. Now she can become more mysterious as well as the object of EVERYONE's affection and interest and of course, capture the attention of the beauticious, translucent, seemingly fragile, high cheek-boned, soulfully wounded looking boy that no other girl had ever had the courage to speak to. Finally, she would undoubtedly be the one girl he would open his heart to, the one and only boy to understand her completely and love her to absolute pieces forever. It's a foundation for all romantic fairy tales and the film accomplishes this feat very easily in its early scenes and Edward's grand entrance is completely designed to make those young ladies in the audience swoon. But, I could not help but to wonder, what happens when the fantasy becomes real?

In the criminally short-lived 90's television series "My So-Called Life" for instance, the love story between average moody teenage girl Angela Chase and the fragile brooding beauty of Jordan Catalano exquisitely showed what happens when the fantasy fades into a real person with issues, foibles and faults. This discovery made for a screen romance that was willing to delve into the darker corners and painful, messy territories of teenage love.

John Hughes' "Pretty In Pink" from 1986 (tenderly directed by Howard Deutch) tossed in real issues of class, trust, loyalty, peer pressure and heartbreak to deepen its ancient "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl" formula and to this day, that film's magic remains as Hughes gave equal empathy and understanding to Blaine's failings, the pain of Duckie's unrequited crush and Andie's perseverance.

Cameron Crowe's "Say Anything..." is a teen romance masterpiece. A highly perceptive, layered and knowing entry in the genre as evidenced by its opening scene where Lloyd Dobler addresses his two female friends (including the great Lily Taylor as Corey Flood) about his titanic crush on the illustrious Diane Court. Flood, knowing full well the dangers of heartbreak as she is herself recovering from a suicide attempt after being dumped by her ex, gently warns Dobler about his intentions and pursuit, adding that she just doesn't want to see him get hurt. Dobler proudly announces, "I WANT to get hurt!" The eventual break-up scene ("I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."), is still almost too painful to watch because the hurt is true and Flood knows it from the start.

Unfortunately for "Twilight," the emotions never reach that depth or even approach it and therefore, I was not emotionally caught up in this romance for even one moment.

But in its defense, I can understand that this film is designed to remain in fantasy. Yes, we are dealing with vampires of course, and the romance between Bella and Edward consists of many long meaningful glances with cheesy music-video backdrop lighting effects but I think the story is meant to give its target audience a tale to lose themselves in, to approximate the beginning fascinations and obsessions with any first love. What we experience is basically a feature length diary entry, complete with "i"s dotted with hearts covered in sheets of rain. "Twilight" is a depiction of the very first steps of love, its intentions are seemingly pure and that is no reason to fault it for not being more than what it is for its specialized audience. It unashamedly wears its heart on its sleeve but still upon closer inspection, it is apparent there is nothing underneath the clothes. Which leads me to sex...

Let's face it folks, "Twilight" is also a two hour ode to abstinence. Bella wants to die for Edward so they will be together for eternity while Edward struggles with his natural vampiric urges to overtake Bella, suck her blood, release his venom into her and...you get the picture and it is as subtle as a frying pan to the forehead. There's really not much else thematically going on in the film other than Edward trying over and over again to suppress his urges. I also found it to be quite shallow in its clumsy and blatant re-enactment of "Romeo and Juliet." The equivalent of the balcony scene, set in a forest with Edward swooping from tree branch to tree branch is laughable and the dialogue is painful. The overwrought sex=death metaphors are also quite tiresome. But again, this film is not meant to be anything more than what it is, a 21st century Harlequin romance where especially younger fans can explore their own emerging issues with sexuality in a relatively safe context.

And even with all of my criticisms, the movie isn't that bad. It's not great but I have definitely seen much, much worse. I can appreciate the fact that Meyer and the film's Director Catherine Hardwicke know, understand and respect their story and audience enough to deliver exactly what the story needs and exactly what the fans want. "Twilight" does not, in any way, transcend its genre but detractors, including myself, have to understand that it is not meant to. It is what it is and proudly so.

My wife happened upon the series last summer and tore through all four books within the span of one week. I asked her if she thought I would like it and she kind of squirmed, shrugged her shoulders a bit and said, "I don't think so. It's really...girly." After watching this film, I asked her what is was that she enjoyed so much. She acknowledged that while she felt the books are not well written at all, the story pulled her in and she truly loved the character of Edward because, in her words, "He is Bella's savior, her protector and he just loves her so much!!" She nearly gushed when she said that to me. Such is the effect of "Twilight." Once again, I know this story is not meant for me at all. It doesn't match with my sensibilities whatsoever as I like my love stories to have more weight to them.

But how can I complain that much when the sentiment my wife expressed is what she, and I would believe millions of fans have taken away from it...and keep returning to?