ALL BOW DOWN TO THE SULLEN, SOUR GIRL: a review of "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

“THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON” Directed by Chris Weitz
* (one star)

When I first wrote and published my review of “Twilight,” I was politely chided by a few friends for possibly being too soft on the material. I respect and understand the critique yet I will stand by that original review as I thought the movie as a whole—while I didn’t care for it-- was not all that bad. In many ways, I stand by those same sentiments when it comes to “New Moon,” the second installment of Stephanie Meyer’s blockbuster series, now directed by Chris Weitz (“American Pie,” “About A Boy,” “The Golden Compass”) taking over for Catherine Hardwicke. I know fully well that I am not the audience for this particular film, characters or genre. I know there is a certain shallowness and emotional fantasy that is part of this romance novel experience, which ultimately does not appeal to me. I know this whole enterprise is a sexual cautionary tale, a plea for teenage abstinence, which can allow a safe avenue for young female followers to explore their own budding sexuality. I know that this film knows exactly what its audience wants and is more than happy to deliver accordingly. But, does that mean that I cannot critique it? Well, I am going to try my best to be fair. Because while I thought its visual presentation was a marked improvement over the first film, my overall feelings towards “New Moon” are indeed of a much harsher variety.

As our next episode begins, it is Bella Swan’s (again played by Kristen Stewart) 18th birthday, a day which almost concludes in tragedy as her blood, drawn from a paper cut, inadvertently ignites the passions of Jasper Cullen, the vampire family member of her true love, savior and protector, Edward Cullen (reprised by Robert Pattinson), also a vampire. Yet, for Bella, the near miss with death is a source of disappointment as all she wants for her birthday is to become a vampire and be together with Edward for eternity. Edward, however, resists Bella’s urges-as well as his own-and for the protection and purity of her soul, decides that it is best to break up with her and move away with his family from the dreary landscape of Forks, Washington.

After Edward’s departure, Bella becomes submerged into a dangerously deep three month depression, during which she makes near suicidal choices and is continuously plagued with nightmares. Eventually, she re-ignites a friendship with the newly buffed out Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who is, unbeknownst to her, a werewolf...who of course, carries his own passionate feelings for her.

A love triangle is born yet that is not all that sits on Bella’s plate. She is still being pursued by renegade vampires led by Victoria, out for Bella’s blood in revenge for the death of Victoria’s love in the first film. A treaty between the vampires and werewolves in nearing dissolution. And then, there’s even a creepy ancient aristocratic vampire secret society housed in Italy called the Volturi to deal with, which may also bring about Bella’s long awaited reunion with Edward…but will it be too late?

Now, I have to admit, once this story got going, I thought to myself that this series is finally beginning to go places and then, I was somewhat surprised to discover that it didn’t. The shallow nature of the first film sadly remained and for a series that is now proclaiming itself to be a “saga,” the lack of development is a more than a little disappointing.

A saga, by its very nature, tends to promise a broadening and deepening of its plot and characters to create a richer environment and experience for the audience. Think of the “Harry Potter” series, either the films or especially the wonderful books written by J.K. Rowling. That seven-part saga lives up to its intentions by creating a collective of characters who do indeed grow and change over the course of seven years. Even Harry Potter himself is forced to confront even the most unpleasant aspects of his nature in order to fully realize his destiny. If he had stayed the exact same character he was in the first novel and film, I would be hard pressed to say that anyone would have cared a whit about the outcome.

With “New Moon,” the situations and landscape are developing, with the addition of new characters, locations, and complications. Yet the characters remain unchanged from the first film and the way everything is handled and presented is painfully simplistic and superficial. It’s difficult to build tension concerning characters’ outcomes when the storytellers don’t seem to be that engaged themselves. Every moment is painted with the largest of brush strokes and (figuratively, of course) only in primary colors. There is no subtlety or shading which means that the depth necessary for a building narrative is non-existent, therefore severing any chances for a real emotional connection.

As I stated earlier, the production values, cinematography and special effects are much improved over the first film. A chase through a forest set to a brooding and electronic Thom Yorke song selection is effective. However, the film is sluggishly paced and feels lifeless for a story that is supposed to contain so much to wring your hands over. When Anna Kendrick shows up for a couple of brief scenes as Bella’s “frenemy” Jessica, her comic energy and snappiness brought the film instantly to life. I almost would love to see this story with her as the lead instead!

Again, I will concede that perhaps this series is not even meant to go any deeper than the surface as I have been told the film version is very faithful to the plot and tone of Meyer’s book. The clumsy allusions and parallels to “Romeo and Juliet” from the first film return in even more awkward presentations. All of those shirtless werewolves running around purely to make the ladies in the audience whoop and holler feels like a nearly feature length version of the volleyball game scene from “Top Gun.” (And I did have to wonder what happens to their cargo shorts and pants when they become SO HOT and transform…but, hey, that’s a whole ‘nother movie!)Pitifully, sequences meant to have passion or pain are unfortunately and unintentionally comic enough to become laugh out loud howlers.

Take the break-up sequence for instance. Here was a section I thought, before it actually began, that just may begin to give the story a taste of the depth that has been lacking from the start. But no. It was torturous to watch, with swelling strings of the background score providing additional commentary over the emotionless dialogue spoken with a shocking slowness by Stewart and Pattinson. Honestly, folks, feigned dramatic pauses and so-called meaningful glances into each other’s eyes or into the distant skies do not instantly create passion, yearning, romantic longing and sexual heat. Beyond the writing and directorial pacing, the major sins of those sequences come from the horrid acting, which is decidedly worse than the first film.

In the role of Edward, Robert Pattinson does what he can when walking in slow-motion towards Bella through the school parking lot, but I have to say that he is acting solely by hairstyle and pasty makeup for the entire movie. Thankfully, he gets off easy as he is not on display that much past the opening sequences, the climax and a few intermittent “Obi-Wan Kenobi” appearances.

The biggest problem(s) of “New Moon,” happen to be so intertwined that I am not certain where to begin first. It is a chicken and the egg conundrum and the elephant in the room. What I am about to confront are the largest obstacles of “New Moon”: the performance of Kristen Stewart and the character of Bella Swan.

Kristen Stewart is a very curious actress. She has been rightly cast in the roles she has previously been given and she performs quite well in them. She has never stricken a false note and she is served well by her material. Her performances in Sean Penn’s “Into The Wild” and especially in last year’s wonderful “Adventureland” have been career high points. The problem for her is that every character she has portrayed has been cut from the same cloth, therefore displaying Stewart’s complete lack of dramatic range. Stewart has been relegated to playing a collective of sullen, sour, self-consciously dark girls with hair in their faces for so long now that it seemed perfect casting that she ultimately landed the part of Bella Swan. Yet, in “New Moon” this part may be her undoing as this film showcased a flat-out terrible piece of acting. Unlike Pattinson, Kristen Stewart is in nearly every scene of this film and the cracks in her talent are blindingly shown. She has no emotional range whatsoever, playing every moment in the same, flat, monotone meant to depict some intense stage of teenage misery yet she comes off as someone who had just rolled out of bed, stumbled onto a set, didn’t know or understand her lines and wasn’t terribly motivated being there in the first place. It is not arrogance I witnessed, just uninterested detachment which made it impossible to find a way into this character.

The depression sequence is the film’s key aforementioned howler. It is a spectacular failure of a sequence, designed to try and enter more into Bella’s inner world and endless sadness due to Edward’s absence. The camera circles around her as she sends 6000 e-mails into the void and we are hysterically given the winter of Bella’s discontent…all set to Kristen Stewart’s completely unengaged and unchanging expression. Having a pouty face just isn’t enough yet that was all she was able to muster. That said, I again have to express that I have been told that this is essentially the character of Bella Swan and this is faithful to her.

In the first film, it was obvious that Bella was an audience stand-in, the conduit for the wish-fulfillment fantasy being set in motion. In this film, I just cannot see her appeal and am actually quite confused by it and the messages she seems to be putting forth, especially to that legion of young girls in love with this series. Bella Swan is a profoundly insufferable leading character! She is completely selfish, self-indulgent, horrifically narcissistic, entirely unable to see past her own needs and desires and completely willing to draw any and everyone into her cauldron of self-pity. Yet…EVERYONE is obsessed by her. She gets to have not one but two boys falling all over her, plus all manner of vampires and werewolves hunting for her and does she honestly deserve all of this attention anyway?

In the film’s first few sequences where we are endlessly presented with the knowledge of Bella’s 18th birthday. It feels as if the entire town of Forks was given a Facebook alert to which she can morosely feign discomfort and shun each present and birthday wish. But, later, she cruelly pulls out the “birthday card” towards Edward as she inflicts sexual pressure upon him for her own gain. It was as if she said, "If you really loved me, you would just make me a vampire!"

Bella Swan is an emotional infant. She wants what she wants when she wants it without any regard for the people and consequences that surround her. Her treatment of Jacob is awful, as she completely uses him and toys with his feelings, simply because her other plaything is not there. Some would argue that this is representative of some teenage girls and their experiences but folks, this is not a docudrama. This is a romantic fantasy interested in only the surface of things, and I do not believe that "New Moon" is that savvy or insightful.

For some reason, it really disturbed me once the film reached its climax when Bella races to Italy to save Edward from the Volturi because there was not an inch of concern for her Father, Charlie and the potential amount of anguish her disappearance would put him through. When Edward initially leaves Bella, he urges her to not do anything reckless and to essentially not commit suicide, if not for herself but for Charlie. Her rescue attempt blatantly showed how well Charlie ranks within her heart. Look, having not read the books, maybe I am missing Bella's positive attributes. But, this is what is on screen and she is being served cinematically by Kristen Stewart who is seemingly unable to hit certain notes and in the case of this film, it wasn't working even for one minute.

For a series that contains so many parallels to "Romeo and Juliet," I actually have one of my own to share. In one of my high school English classes, after we had completed our own study of "Romeo and Juliet," our teacher quietly asked the class what we had thought of the play. The classroom remained uncomfortably silent for what seemed to be eons until one girl raised her hand sheepishly and offered the following opinion: "It was stupid!"

The silence that had already existed in the classroom became frigidly silent as if we all felt that this one girl's statement would eventually sound the death knell for us all. But, we were proven wrong when our teacher plainly asked her, "Why?"
"Well...it was just so stupid!" she began. "I mean--they're just kids and what do they even know about love! And anyway, I don't even think Romeo even loved her at all. He liked that one girl at the beginning and then suddenly he's all in love with Juliet?! That's so dumb. I think he's just in love with being in love! And then...they just die! It was just such a waste!"
"And that's why it's a tragedy," our teacher said succinctly.

When I think of the love story between Edward and Bella thus far, and certainly after this film, this is essentially how I am feeling. It all seems so...stupid. Bella Swan is not virtuous. She is not heroic. She's just the next contestant on MTV's "My Super Sweet 16." And frankly, I am actually wondering if she even loves Edward at all. I think Bella Swan is in love with Bella Swan and her self-imposed misery. She seems to want Edward just because she wants him. When she cannot have him, she wants him more, no matter the costs to herself, to him and in regards to this story, the fate of the vampire and werewolf worlds. She possesses all of the toys in the game and if it is not played her way, she will take her bat and ball and go home to presumably sit stone faced in a chair writing 6000 more e-mails into the void.

If this is the great love story of the 21st century then I want no part of it.