It was 12 years ago on this date, as I was visiting my parents on a holiday visit, when Savage Cinema was born. I was sitting in their basement at their computer feeling absolutely terrified to hit the "PUBLISH" button for the very first time, wondering if this pursuit would be worth the trouble, if anyone would care, or even if I would let myself down in some way, because really, the world does not need even one more person to pine about the movies and there way no way I could ever reach the levels to which I aspired, which were my heroes, the late, great Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert.
I am a person who can talk myself out of anything and everything if given the room to just overthink and convince myself that my dreams are not worth following. This is a long standing issue with me and my brain and and hitting that "PUBLISH" button...as I think of those moments, I am just sadly sigh because I am imagining what I would have lost had my brain convinced me. I remember just sitting there, mentally at war with myself, telling myself that I could not accomplish this feat so, why even try? No one will care at all, so why even try? Who cares what I think, so why even try? And so on...
Somehow, some way and I really do not know how, I did indeed hit "PUBLISH" that very first time and that first time has led me to this moment in time after which 12 years of work has been written and still exists in its entirety right here upon this blogsite. T his is entirely where YOU come in because if none of YOU out there ever read, responded, and encouraged me to write another posting, Savage Cinema would have ended long before it ever had the chance to get started. My appreciation for YOU is endless for without YOU, I could not have encouraged myself to just keep going.
I am not one to really take time to celebrate my own accomplishments. Partially because I just keep moving onto the next task and partially because my brain just continuously tries to downplay said accomplishments all the while telling me that there is always someone better. My brain is so often not very nice to me.
And still, my brain is very patient, and therefore, encouraging because somewhere inside, something keeps telling me to just try again. This has been most evident over these last two years as COVID has so drastically disrupted the movie industry and therefore, my writing and even further, my motivation to even try as life and mental/emotional fatigue have overshadowed inspiration.
Lately, I have found myself venturing out to the movies more frequently and in this past week, I have written three new pieces and a fourth is being composed as well. Now, even though there has been a new flurry of activity, I am not going to get ahead of myself and firmly announce that everything is back on track. I need to allow myself to think of this as a continuing work in progress...and really, that IS what Savage Cinema is as it is a representation of...ME.
Thank YOU all for being there. For being positive and always sticking firm to the mission of this blogsite to keep Savage Cinema a place of positivity as the internet and social media have grown even darker over these last 12 years. Thank YOU all for just taking the time to read anything that I have written, especially as we are all inundated with all manner of this and that vying for our attention.
Thank YOU all for just believing in me because it all helps me to believe in myself.
And now...onto the next one...
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