Written and Directed by Kevin Smith
** (two stars)
RATED PG 13
OK...Kevin Smith's "Yoga Hosers," the second film in his proposed Canada based "True North Trilogy," which began with the nightmarish, fearless horror film "Tusk" (2014), contains some of the hallmarks that have endeared Smith to me for over 25 years. It is indeed a wholly original film and fully idiosyncratic in its personality. It contains a wildly restless creative energy and enthusiasm that feels boldly unfiltered, and therefore, completely unlike anything else you may see...that is, outside of a Kevin Smith film.
All of that being said, "Yoga Hosers" is also kind of terrible. Not every singular moment and certainly not from end to end, because there is good stuff on display here and there. But...boy oh boy...it is, regrettably, an undisciplined work and trust me, when it goes off of the rails, it flies spiraling off into the night, crash landing anywhere and everywhere.
Dear readers, by this stage in the cinematic game, you know who Kevin Smith is and he either appeals to you or he just doesn't. Clearly, he appeals to me as the very best of his material deliriously showcases a sensationally inventive mind and a literary pen that can release an ever flowing menagerie of beautifully verbose and cheerfully vulgar dialogue that sounds like no other creative voice than his own. But, yes, when he stumbles, his inventiveness grows over-cluttered or descends into laziness, his dialogue ends up being needlessly, relentlessly juvenile, therefore making the films themselves sub-standard affairs because you know what he is able to do when he really commits and sets his mind to the task at hand.
With"Yoga Hosers," the results are kind of split down the middle-ish. As I said, I didn't hate it but it is not anything I would ever feel the need to see again...especially when he has exceedingly better films to re-watch.
"Yoga Hosers" stars Lily-Rose Depp (Johnny Depp's daughter) and Harley Quinn Smith (Kevin Smith's daughter) as Colleen Colette and Colleen McKenzie, respectively. The Colleens are two 15 and a half year old Canadian high school Sophomores and eternal BFFs who spend every conceivable moment together, whether painfully enduring school, practicing in their band Glamthrax--complete with a 35 year old drummer named Ichabod (Adam Brody)--and even more painfully suffering through their after school job at the convenience store Eh 2 Zed while of course being addicted to their ever present smartphones and finally studying yoga with their instructor Yogi Bayer (Justin Long).
Life for The Colleens begin to take a turn towards excitement due to a series of seemingly disparate yet interconnected events. First, high school Senior--and Colleen McKenize's crush--Hunter Calloway (Austin Butler) invites them to a Senior party. Secondly, while at school in their History class, the Colleens learn that the Nazi Party once existed in Winnipeg under the leadership of the self-proclaimed "Canadian Fuhrer" Adrian Arcand (Haley Joel Osment) and his right hand man Andronicus Arcane (Ralph Garman).
And third, a series of bizarre murders have attracted the detective skills of the now famed Guy LaPointe (Johnny Depp), the very same eccentric sleuth from "Tusk," who had already once crossed paths with The Colleens and will soon reunite with them on an adventure that will include Satanists, a plot resurrect the Canadian Nazi Party Movement, and the wrath of the Bratzis (all played by Kevin Smith), a mad science experiment gone wrong in the form of one foot tall Nazis made from bratwurst and sauerkraut.
With their sass, rock solid friendship and deftly executed yoga skills, will The Colleens survive the night?
On the plus side, and in marked contrast to "Jay And Silent Bob Reboot" (2019), Kevin Smith's 'Yoga Hosers" does not lack for creativity and invention. It is a downright bonkers plot and story that could only originate from such an idiosyncratic creative spirit and I did appreciate the unrepentant, unfiltered quality of Smith's conception.
There are good qualities to this film that do bear mentioning. The chemistry between Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith feels authentic, fresh, unforced and genuine, making for a sweet, goofy bubble gum duo worth following and rooting for. Indeed, they are pure ridiculous sunshine. To counter their natural effervescence, Smith unloads the darkness.
There are genuine moments scattered through out the film that do carry genuine creepiness a la Joe Dante's "Gremlins" (1984). The Canadian Nazi backstory, as delivered in the History class sequence is good pulpy writing, the fight sequences are decently choreographed and presented with the Bratzis exploding in showers of neon lights and colors, Smith's usage of the main opening theme from Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" (1980) is grim in its effectiveness, and the behemoth monster known as the Goalie Golem, a creature made from the skins of Canadian Nazi victims and whose face is covered by a gigantic hockey mask and operated by the Bratzis is a gleefully demonic invention.
To that end, I also deeply appreciate how Kevin Smith has essentially become his own version of the Marvel Cinematic Universe combined with the literary style of the inter-connected characters of J.D. Salinger's writings as he uses "Yoga Hosers" as a means to branch out, and therefore link, his New Jersey based View Askewniverse together with the Canadian landscape of his True North Trilogy making for an ever and intricately expanding movie universe that is all his own to play inside of and invite us to visit with each film.
All of that being said, "Yoga Hosers" does not represent Kevin Smith at his best and perhaps, it s due to when h is fearlessness is working in tandem with a certain storytelling and directorial discipline, where the wealth of ideas congeal at their finest. In essence, all of the ingredients are here for what could have been a wild, and female driven, comedy-action-horror escapade unlike anything else we would typically see in the movies but what ultimately resulted in a tonal mess.
Way too many sequences either had no sense of rhythm or more than over-stayed their welcome or fused the comedy and horror in ways that completely undercut them both, therefore signifying nothing at all, especially in late film sequence when The Colleens find themselves trapped in an underground Canadian Nazi lair facing certain doom but are subjected (as is the audience) to a villain treating them to impersonations of the likes of Sylvester Stallone and Adam West.
Despite this being funny to Smith in the moment, who precisely was that scene designed for and why is it here? "Yoga Hosers" is rampant with go nowhere scenes like that one, scenes that clearly began with a fresh idea or a good moment or starting point but just unraveled before our eyes. Some of the film's performances, most notably from Justin Long and Johnny Depp, are works that don't even feel as if these are supposed to be real human beings due to their loudly cartoonish qualities.
Even worse is Smith's taste level which has always leaned heavily towards the vulgar but he has generally demonstrated an ability to keep his cinematic hands tightly upon the reins. While "Yoga Hosers" is indeed rated PG 13, a Kevin Smith rarity, his predilection with all things anal is juvenile to the point of being tiresome. In addition to the copious mentions of "poop," as if this movie was repeatedly taken over by 5 year olds, we also have the Bratzis to contend with. Now having the Bratzis as freakish clone Nazi killers is a great idea but why do they have to commit their killings by always entering their victims through the anus?
It is just gross out material with no purpose other than just because and as I have stated before concerning Kevin Smith, he knows better and can do better because he has done better. Subjecting himself to the lowest common denominator is just disrespectful to his talent, frankly...and I just wish sometimes that he could curb himself of some of his nastier tendencies in which they exist on film just because he had the power to place it there and not because his film necessitated its inclusion.
And so, Kevin Smith's "Yoga Hosers" is a well intentioned yet undisciplined teen fantasy frolic that simultaneously houses the very best and worst qualities of his entirely original filmography. But you know, even when I do not like a certain film of his, I can indeed give the man credit for being a filmmaker who is clearly doing exactly what he wants to do and how he wishes to do it. I cannot complain terribly much in that regard.
But again, I know what he can do when he really commits and sets his mind towards some sense of greatness. He has done it before and I hope he can achieve it again, especially as his collective universe with expand further with the proposed "Clerks III," "Twilight Of The Mallrats" and the finale of his True North Trilogy, in "Moose Jaws."
Time will tell...
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